There was another side to this story, however. A graduate assistant was sitting across from the research expert staring at the glass ash tray intently. But the research expert had noticed this glance and was alarmed; was the graduate assistant intent on stealing his ash tray? He looked back and forth between the ash tray and the research assistant, and indeed it seemed that the assistant had an interest in the ash tray, but the expert was worried about thinking of such an accusation against the assistant; but he was also worried about his ash tray.
Suddenly his phone rang. It was inside the house. This created a dilemma for the expert; should he answer the phone or should he watch the ash tray? He could not do both at the same time, and the phone rang again. "Research assistant, go bring me the phone," said the expert craftily; this was why he was the expert. The research assistant went into the house and the ringing suddenly stopped.
"Hello?" said the research assistant. "Yes one moment." He brought the cordless phone over to the expert, who put it to his ear, all the while looking at his ash tray. "It's the physicist."
"Hello," said the expert.
"Hello," said the physicist on the other side of the phone. "Are you still researching the quantum particle we placed in the conifer, in addition to your study on the squirrel?" asked the researcher who worked at the same university as the expert. In fact, they were working on the same cross-discipline grant at this very time and taking turns leaving the university to take measurements for a month and then switching to teach class. But the expert hesitated; he had completely forgotten that he was in charge of a cross-discipline task force.
"Maybe," he said, carefully avoiding answering the question. This is why he was the expert.
"Maybe? What do you mean?" asked the physicist. The expert looked into space, thinking, and then quickly returned his gaze to his ash tray, which was fortunately still on the ledge. He tried to hand the phone to the assistant.
"I think it is the wrong number," said the expert, trying to look highly concerned, and facing the receiving end of the phone away from his face so the physicist would not hear him.
"No, it's the physicist," said the research assistant. The expert suddenly remembered that the research assistant had answered the phone first, but he did not know if the physicist had said he was the specific physicist they were working with, or if he was just a physicist. This was crucial information, because depending on what the physicist had said, he could reasonably tell his assistant that this was the wrong physicist.
"Who is this?" he demanded, putting the phone back to his ear.
"Dr. Hiford of OU's cross-discipline grant study," said the physicist, "is this Dr. Bozon with?-" The expert interrupted him.
"Did you introduce yourself to the assistant in a general or specific way?" he asked crossly.
"Why do you ask that?" asked Dr. Hiford, who was also an expert. Dr. Bozon hesitated; this was not going well at all. He looked back at his ash tray, which was still on the ledge. The research assistant whispered at him, 'tell him we'll call him back'. This was good advice, and the expert suddenly remembered why he had hired this assistant instead of some of the other assistants, and suddenly felt bad for thinking the assistant wanted to steal his ash tray, even though it was still certainly possible that he had that intention.
"Let me call you back," said Dr. Bozon, and hung up the phone abruptly. He looked over at the research assistant. "I think that is the physicist with whom we are supposed to be doing the cross-discipline grant study," observed Dr. Bozon neutrally.
"Yes that was him," said the assistant.
"Hmm," said the expert. "Well for a moment I thought I had an adversarial relationship with the physicist, because we took none of the measurements, and I was preoccupied with - eh - with something else, but I fear that we may have made him suspicious," said the expert bluntly.
"Yes it would have been better if you had not made him suspicious," agreed the research assistant.
"I am glad you agree," said the expert congenially, remembering why he had hired this assistant, and then looked over at his ash tray compulsively.
"Why do you keep on looking at the ash tray?" asked the assistant.
"Oh! I thought it was you who was looking at the ash tray," said the expert.
"Well because you keep on staring at it every three seconds," rejoined the assistant. The expert wasn't sure if he believed the assistant's explanation. Then suddenly occurred to him that from an objective perspective, it could just as well be he himself that wanted to steal the ash tray. But this depended on whose ash tray the ash tray was exactly.
"Whose ash tray is this?" asked the expert after a few moments.
"I think it came with the laboratory," said the assistant.
"Well that solves nothing," answered the expert unhappily. The assistant was confused; sometimes it was difficult to tell what the expert was thinking. It started raining a bit and the expert started smoking again, sitting back under the cover of the balcony. He stared at a nearby conifer and looked to see if there were any squirrels in it. There seemed to always be more squirrels in the nearby oak tree, but this was odd because although acorns came from oak trees, the conifer should have more squirrels because the conifer was much bigger than the oak tree. Suddenly the phone rang again.
"Don't answer it!" warned the expert.
"It's probably the physicist," said the assistant, who was finishing a second glass of scotch.
"I know," said the expert. "We need to figure out what to do with all the data we didn't collect for his weird quantum experiment. Do you think he's an important physicist? Will the school be mad if we don't do his study?" asked the expert.
"I don't know, I'm never in the physics building," said the assistant diplomatically.
"Okay, well go bring over the papers that detail the measurements we're supposed to be taking," decided the expert. A moment later the expert was sifting through the papers, infuriated.
"This could be ruining my experiment! All their equipment is in my conifer!" shouted the expert angrily, jumping out of his seat. "How am I supposed to see the conifer squirrel interaction with these confounded variables!" he threw all the papers on the ground and stomped them into the wet wooden floor boards of the balcony.
"Wasn't someone supposed to check that the experiments were mutually possible before you agreed to the grant," asked the assistant, cautiously.
"Yes, someone, exactly!" said the expert. "We need to find that someone. That someone that ruined my hypothesis!"
"Well you must have signed the grant yourself at some point, right?" asked the concerned the assistant. The expert sat back down resignedly. "But what are the odds of that? This conifer is an extremely rare, obscure tree. Out of all the experiments a physicist would do, why would it involve a tree? And why would it involve precisely this certain type of rare tree? And beyond that, why would he choose to use this exact tree, right in front of the laboratory? The odds are beyond small!"
"Well maybe that is how the school chose this mutual cross-discipline study," said the assistant.
"Perhaps it's possible, I won't deny that, but remember, correlation- not causation!" said the expert circumspectly. He lit another match and began to smoke. He looked down at all the wet papers crumbled at his feet. They were thoroughly illegible. "Fax the physicist and have him send another copy of our project description. Tell him we have the original, we just want to make sure that we are in touch with the office of the real physicist to honor the confidentiality of the project," he decided cleverly. This was why he was the expert.